Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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