I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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