Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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