Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
