The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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