The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
