I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
