Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
