I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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