Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
