A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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