Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
