i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
