apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
