Your dad touched me again.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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