I need help removing her.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
