You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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