Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
