I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
