I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize