We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
