At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
