the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
