I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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