You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
