His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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