wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
