any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
