new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
