is wine microwaveable?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
