she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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