im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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