Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
