dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
