No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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