she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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