Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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