I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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