New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
