I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
