I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
