i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
