You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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