i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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