I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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