i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
