I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
