i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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