We're like a lot better than the average bears
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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