i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
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