At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
