Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
