That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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