Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
