If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
