Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You're earring is so big in my mouth
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
